Gay Games VII: Chicago

So I opened up my blog just now to see if anyone cares, and found that google had put an ad for "Gay Games VII" on the advertising bar! Not gonna lie, I was a bit thrown off. I wonder why google matched that to my blog? I mean, I closed the book on figure skating like a week ago.

Winter Olympics: I'm a Bodeist

No, Nike didn't pay me to write this, though I will accept money after the fact.

I've decided to Join Bode. I'm a Bodeist.

First of all, there is a whole contingent of Bode-bashers that don't even understand the situation. I heard one guy call into a sports talk show last week and say Bode was the Jeramy Stevens of the winter games. Let's clear that up right now. Here's what he said on the infamous 60 minutes episode prior to the games:

"If I could put down, you know, unbelievable performances, really inspirational performances that you tugged at people’s hearts, where people got emotional and still not come away with any medals, I think that would be the ideal Olympics for me."

So he doesn't want to be defined by his place in the standings, but rather by the effort he puts forth. Isn't that the exact message that Americans love to preach to young athletes?

Bode, of course, didn't win a thing this Olympics. So the skiing announcers blasted him at the end, saying it didn't look like he was putting in any effort and that he was out of shape, even though they'd previously pointed out he races a more grueling schedule than anyone. He skied every race for 3 straight years at one point.

Then in his final word of the night last night, Bob Costas bashed Bode, basically saying he was a hypocrite because he does advertising campaigns and interviews. And then, paraphrasing: "If Bode doesn't start caring more, pretty soon nobody is going to care about him."

I don't know if he could have tried harder. I don't know if he could have been in better shape. But I don't think he should be criticized for not caring about winning. It's hypocriticall of us. We spread the message that having fun is more important than winning, then everyone piles on a guy who just likes to ski and doesn't care about winning.

I'd like to think it hasn't all gotten to Bode, and that he's leaving Torino without any regrets or doubts about his own performance. Not satisfied, because he could have done better, but not angry at himself. Of course, he's probably partying right now. But that's just Bode. As a Bodeist, I'm happy to let him be whoever he wants to be.

Winter Olympics: Lindsey Jacobellis

I was watching the Olympics with a big group of people last night, and caught a varying range of reactions to the Jacobellis debacle, from humored to spiteful to sympathetic. I fell in the latter category, because no one deserves to go through that sort of shame and humiliation because of a sport. Jimmy Roberts had an interesting report on the incident, comparing it to Greg Norman in the '96* Masters and Leon Lett in Super Bowl XXVII. The Sports Sauna's wider range of sports knowledge allows it to improve upon the perspective Roberts was trying to give.

I like the Leon Lett parallel, as far as moments where showboating has gone wrong. But as Roberts pointed out, the incident was nowhere near as tragic for Lett, since the Cowboys won the game easily and Lett got to celebrate with illegal drugs.

I think Jean van de Velde's collapse at the British Open is a better golf parallel. Jean took a driver on the 18th tee when he should have taken an iron; Jacobellis tweaked her jump when all she should have done was concentrated on landing. The van de Velde might have been worse, because the man faded right back into the obscurity from whence he came, while Jacobellis may have a chance at redemption 4 years from now.

We see showboating at the finish line all the time. Happens every game on the football goal line. In cycling, Robbie McEwen likes to pop wheelies once he crosses the finish line. Remember when Maniac Magee turned around and ran backwards against Mars Bar in their famous street sprint in Two Mills? He got away with that, but he was the Maniac. Athletes almost always get away with it. But for every hundred ridiculous poster dunks, there is one missed humiliatingly.

We see finish line celebrating a little more often in extreme sports. Motor cross is the original "cross." Think snowboard cross for snowmobiles. Traditionally, the winner of a motor cross race will do a heel click over the last jump if his lead is comfortable. But the finish line is the crest of the jump, so he's crossing the line as he finishes.

And that's really what Jacobellis's biggest mistake was. If she does the same thing over the last jump instead of the second to last jump, she probably falls across the finish line, and we laugh it off and pat her on the back for the gold. But she did it on the second to last jump and it cost her the race and much more.

The Sports Sauna does want to point out that a good Boarder Crosser always grabs her board going over jumps. This was explained a couple times this week by the commentators as a way to improve stability through the air. I suspect that when Jacobellis went airborne, that is what she was planning on doing, but a lifetime of tricks took over in that split second and she almost unconsciously let her joy out in the form of that trick. So I believe her when she told Costas that she didn't know what she was thinking. It was habit popping into the moment.

That said, however little it was premeditated, it was still cocky, and it still embarrassed the US. The Americans come off as arrogant pretty often at the games. I'm sure the world loves to see us go down, just like I love to see the Yankees or the Patriots go down. To Switzerland, Jacobellis's fall probably felt a lot like LuGo's single off of Mo Rivera in 2001 did to Diamondback fans.

Of course, the best parallel of all is an imaginary one that I have dreamt of happening for a long time...

"Game 7...2 outs...Braves by one...Mets have runners on 1st and 2nd...here's the pitch. Swung on and hit straight up in the air! This will do it! This will send the Braves to the World Series! Andruw Jones camps under it in center field, sticks up his glove in his typical "I'm a jackass" style and makes the c- NO! HE BOOTED THE BALL! HE BOOTED THE BALL! ONE RUN SCORES! THE BALL ROLLS ALL THE WAY TO THE FENCE! TWO RUNS SCORE! AND THE METS ARE GOING TO THE WORLD SERIES BECAUSE OF ANDRUW JONES! THIS IS A MOMENT THAT WILL HAUNT HIM FOR THE REST OF HIS LIFE! HE WILL NEVER LIVE THIS DOWN! WOW!"

Someday... Someday...


*It always amazes me to recall that the Norman/Faldo collapse/comeback happened in 1996, one year before Tiger smashed the field at Augusta to win his first major as a pro. Doesn't it seem like a lifetime between those two Masters? Has any sport had the demarcation between two separate eras more distinctly defined?

Winter Olympics: Scott Hamilton

Here's Fyall on the voice of figure skating: "Scott Hamilton is what Dick Vitale could be. They're both really rooting hard for people to succeed, but Scott comes out and admits when people fail."

I'm not sure I completely agree with that angle on the delightful inanity of Dick Vitale, but it's a good starting place for talking about the greatest sports commentator that most of us only hear once every four years. Scotty does bring a likable amount of emotion to the both. Sports are emotional, and commentators should be allowed to participate in the emotion even while remaining unbiased.

But he is also a master at giving clear explanations in the flow of the event. We may or may not know the difference between a toe loop and an axle, but we always know when they are coming, and, immediately, what was wrong.

Overall, he explains the story. Sometimes it's obvious: if a skater keeps eating ice, he's sucking. Other times, we need Scott to clear things up. Is he tight or loose? Is he skating with style or is he stiff? Is the level of difficulty high enough or does he just not have the arsenal to grab a medal? By the end of the skate, Scott has answered these questions.

The only thing he's missing this year? Verne Lundquist, stranded at CBS. Gentle Verne, the perfect voice to fill the gaps between Scott's comments. He doesn't blow me away with his football play-by-play, but he's excellent at figure skating. They should put that on his tombstone.

I will now institute a self-imposed 4-year hiatus in this blog on all figure skating related matters. I'm sorry you had to go through this.

Winter Olympics: Speedskating Team Pursuit

Jim Lampley, kicking to Speed Skating Pursuit at 4pm today: "Just think cycling pursuit on skates."

Clearly, he knows that the type of person watching the Olympics at 4 on a Wednesday is the type of person who knows something about cycling.

He's right. This is right up The Sports Sauna's alley!

I was confused for the first race between the Canadians and the Americans. Then I saw it...a bracket! OK, I'm on board! Any sport that involves a bracket automatically becomes 20% more entertaining. No exceptions. So we're weeding down the field to the final four today.

Hey! Melissa Stark! Where's she been these past few years? She's reporting on the Dutch passion for speed skating. And now it's the Netheregion against Ze Germans for the 3rd spot in the semis... uh oh, the Germans have a sizable lead.

The cool thing about this team pursuit is they are on the same track across from each other, so every lap NBC shows a split screen showing the teams crossing the line on opposite sides of the ring, so you can see how close it is. This race isn't. The Germans knock out the Dutch. Bummer.

Here's the final four:
Canada v. Japan - The Battle for the Best Red and White Flag
Germany v. Russia - WWIII: The Eastern Front

Winter Olympics: Not That There's Anything Wrong With Men's Figure Skating

I've watched an embarrassing amount of figure skating over the past couple nights. It's not my fault! I blame the following...

NBC
Basically, if you want to watch Olympics from 6:00 until midnight, you have to watch figure skating. I wish they'd be more precise with their TV schedules, so I could Q/V* to something more appealing and know right when to switch back.

And what's up with this "Olympic Ice?" I didn't ask for a "daily, all-access pass inside the world of figure skating," and I don't want it. Gouge my eyes out with a cell phone antennae from the hours of 6 to 7pm for the duration of the winter Olympics!

America
You're the ones who made figure skating a highly viewed program. Come on! I also blame you for the following television-related debacles:
-The cancellation of Arrested Development. Come on!
-The popularity of Will and Grace. Come on!
-Carson Daly. Come on!

My Roomates
The Olympics are meant to be watched in a group. First of all, you don't feel like a weirdo when others are getting just as pumped up at you at women's curling (see The Fort** earlier this evening). Second, you get the bunker mentality necessary to fully enjoy the Olympics; I enjoy rooting for other countries more than anyone, but even I can't help but get sucked into the "us against the world" mood when an American succeeds. Finally, the Olympics are a real water cooler sporting event. It's fun to see what other people are getting out of it.

I'm delighted to say that Fyall and Hagan are as into the Olympics as I could hope. If they are on TV, they are on our TV. But that means we watch figure skating. Hagan is pro. Fyall was con yesterday and pro today (typical). And I'm...well...let's move on to the last person to blame.

The Part of Me that Likes Figure Skating
If they fall, it's sad. If they don't, it's nice. That's about all I have to say about that.



*In the year two thousand aught-two, Fyall and I were spending Winter Break at Killington. Melo was in high school. Hak Warrick was in his freshman year. And Deshaun Williams was insane.

Anyway, the mountain got iced over on Selection Sunday, and they gave us a rain check that we decided to use the next day. We spent the entire day inside, watching the last couple conference championships, Selection Sunday, and that Brian Dennehy/Bobby Knight ESPN movie. Sometime that day, we realized that the hotel remote control's "Previous Channel" button was labeled quite simply "Q/V." The term, "Q-slash-V-it" was born.

**The Fort is the name of my current residence. My roommates are Fyall and Hagan.

Winter Olympics: Spoiler Screwgie

The worst part about the Olympics being mostly on Tape Delay is finding out the results ahead of time without wanting to. That happened to me and my roommate/Olympic-watching-buddy Fyall with the Men's 5000M speed skating final. So what could have been an exciting 45 minutes turned into mildly interesting background noise. We ended up watching more Gonzaga-Stanford.

Can't ESPN.com have a button you can press to block Olympic results from the front page until the morning after? Wouldn't that be fairly easy to do?

And they're no excuse for NBCOlympics.com giving away results. Isn't that counter-productive? I watched less Olympics today because I knew the results.

- - -

Most exciting event of the day was the surprisingly delightful Nordic Combined. Ze German, Georg Hettich led after the ski jumping and held off four other athletes on the ski course to win it. Also, an American, Todd Lodwick finished 8th. The only disappointment came from Estonia, which couldn't do any better than 33rd. Lame.

Winter Olympics: Ranking the Sports

I thought ranking the 15 Olympic sports was a good way to kickoff this daily Olympic Journal. First of all, it's a way to let you know my overall stance on the different games. Second, it's a simple column-writing gimmick that should take about 20 minutes to knock off.

I'm going by the official Olympic breakdown for no apparent reason, even though it lists luge and skeleton as two separate sports, and moguls and aerials as one single sport (freestyle skiing). Frankly, I'd be happy if they tossed luge and skeleton in with bobsled, like ESPN.com does, but they also tossed short track speed skating in with normal speed skating, which nearly made me vom. It's a petty, yet convoluted issue: perfect for The Sports Sauna...but not today.

The Winter Games, From Least to Best

T-14. Luge and Skeleton: Ha! I'll just lump them together anyway! I've watched a lot of Winter Olympics in my life, and but I don't really have any memories of a particularly entertaining Luge or Skeleton competition. Well, I do remember Ze German luge champion, Georg Hackl, somehow. But these sled races don't have the same beauty as the other speed sports on skis and skates.

13. Biathlon: I don't know why this is so far below Cross-Country Skiing. Theoretically, adding guns to a sport should make it better, shouldn't it? I'm always interested in it when I find it on TV, but I've never been enthralled. I think it's because it doesn't have a good flow to it. Someone takes a lead, chokes on some targets, and they're done and someone else has the lead. It's all over the place. The other thing is it's never as fun as a video game version would be. You ever play a dart game on computer where the pointer shakes all over the place, and the harder you try to hold still, the more it shakes? Those are satisfyingly fun games. Throw in some sort of skiing element, and I think it would offer significantly more entertainment than your average biathlon. I'm definitely going to check out the "Mass Start" on Feb. 25 though. That sounds like a nice twist.

12. Bobsled: Slightly more interesting than luge and skeleton because it seems like there's a little more to it. A little more teamwork. A little more steering. A little more strategy. Plus, bobsled is cool. Skeleton and luge are just weird.

11. Nordic Combined: Here's another paradox...you'd think by adding two fairly entertaining sports together (ski jumping and cross-country skiing) you'd get one big SuperSport. But it doesn't really work that way. It's just more complicated as a spectator, with a point system, and events spread over several days. One fun aspect is the team competition. Teams going head to head instead of individuals brings out the nation vs. nation storyline, adds a twist to the pressure of the games, and puts another layer on the storyline.

10. Figure Skating: Wake me up for the final night, and I'll watch, especially the women, because I recognize them. Also, I don't like to see men prancing. It makes me uncomfortable. There, I said it. But above all, it's fun to watch because every time they jump, they might fall.

9. Freestyle Skiing: I love moguls. Tons of fun to watch. And Johnny Mosely's 360 Iron Cross with a grab to win gold is one of my top 5 or 10 best Winter Games memories. These days the mogul skiers go inverted! Of course, the aerial jumps are freakin nuts. But with aerials, after a couple jumps, they all look the same. Off course, when they fall, it's as ugly as it gets. And I do like that they call the jumps "kickers."

8. Snowboarding: The halfpipe just doesn't do it for me. Like aerials, all the tricks look the same to me. I like ESPN's coverage of Winter X when they have that one spot where they just try to get up as high as possible. That's something I can understand. But other than that, I can't really "see" greatness in the halfpipe. (Plus, I've always felt skiers look cooler in the pipe than snowboarders.) And Parallel Giant Slalom just isn't as fun or fast as the skier version. But Snowboard Cross is JOYFUL. It just makes you want to go out there try the course yourself. And anytime you have multiple athletes racing at the same time on the same course with a high likelihood of contact and crashes, you've got a great TV sport. Plus, I have no evidence to back this up, but I'm pretty sure the sport was invented by ESPN2.

7. Ski Jumping: This sport requires an investment. You can't turn it on, watch a couple jumps and be rewarded. You've got to watch for a while. You've got to catch a few rounds. Pick your favorite guys. Get a feel for where guys are landing. See a crash here or there. And sometime in the final round, you'll realize you have a feel for what a great jump is. And without even seeing the measurements, you'll know whether this jump was farther or shorter than the last jump. And then you'll be ready to enjoy and appreciate the champion jump when it happens.

6. Curling: I still remember watching in 1998 and just being mesmerized. Then after the competition ended, they kicked back to TNT's Jim Lampley in the studio. Now, Lamps is primarily a boxing commentator. And he's got a strong personality behind the desk. Not friendly-smart like Costas, not friendly-funny like Sportscenter. He is opinionated and polished, like FOX News man who ended up doing sports instead. Bottom line: he's not the kind of guy who would be interested in curling. But sitting at the studio desk in Nagano, he grinned at the camera and said, "Now I have to admit, I was skeptical about curling coming into these games. But I have to say, I've been converted. It is a fun sport to watch." Anyway, I'll love him forever for saying that. Four years later, I was in college, and our 4-man dorm got hooked on curling. I'm sure it's happened to many of you. For those skeptics out there, gather up your most open-minded friends, and watch the rocks for an hour. Your life will never be the same.

5. Ice Hockey: I know this is at the top of everyone's list, but I watch the Winter Olympics to see something I only see every four years. Still, the hockey competition these days is pretty heated. I almost end up getting sucked into the hockey competition despite myself.

4. Cross-Country Skiing: I love this sport the same way I love the Tour de France. The endurance and drive of the athletes just gets me pumped up. But this wouldn't finish so high up if it wasn't for the Men's 4x10K Relay, which is, in my opinion, the single most entertaining event in all Olympic sports. Of course, my perception is affected by 3 straight down-to-the-wire finishes between Norway and Italy. I'll hedge my expectations, but the entire race is always fascinating from a strategic perspective.

3. Speed Skating: Why is it that the Dutch are the best at speed skating, and the Koreans are the best at short track? God knows. Always plenty of drama in speed skating. This is where NBC's research always pays off for all of us. They know how to push our buttons: they build the story, and let the race itself serve as the climax. I'm not complaining. This is fun.

2. Alpine Skiing: Downhill, baby. These are the true daredevils of the Winter Games. The aerial jumpers...they only have to force themselves straight down for a few seconds. These guys fling themselves down a hill, going faster than I drive, with perfect concentration the only thing between them an a free ride in a helicopter that they'll never remember. And at the same time, the precision of the sport is gorgeous. Each turn leads into the next, while the athlete is getting ready for the one after that. Time checks all the way down keep it interesting for us on our couches. Great fun.

1. Short Track: Individual short track is insane. Team short track is otherworldly. First of all, they all look like aliens, with their fancy gloves and helmets, their crouched form, and their toe-lunges towards the finish line. Crashes in short track are cataclysmic in the story line. Their threat just increases with each dizzying loop until that final, inevitable sprint for the finish. I think I could watch short track until my eyes started to bleed. Excuse me while I move to South Korea.

Welcome to the Sports Sauna

Well, here we go. I'm starting a blog to see if anyone will find it. I'm just going to write about sports. I'm going to write as though I were writing a newspaper column. My dream is to be hired as a sports columnist.

It's the eve of the Winter Olympics in Torino. My first assignment is to keep a journal of the games.

Here's some things I'll write about:
College Basketball
Soccer
Fantasy Sports
Rugby
Everything except tennis.
Maybe tennis someday, but probably not.

It's the Sports Sauna: where the variety of sports is so overwhelming, it makes you sweat profusely, and the opinions and analysis are so sharp, it feels like you're beating yourself with a birch branch.

Thanks for reading.

-Paul Arras